The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
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I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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