i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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