It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
