I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
thus making me awesome and them whores
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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