i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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