Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
