I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
