well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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