the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize