I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
