Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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