So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
