Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
