i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
