I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize