we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
You ate ashes out of my bong
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
