I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
BRING THE BAGELS
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
