sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
