Bisexual people are plain selfish.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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