just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
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