I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
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flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
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