Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
