well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Randomize
