I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
People with herpes should wear stickers.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
