I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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