I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
