I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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