I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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