i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
