he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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