just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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