Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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