I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Randomize
