He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
