my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
