we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
