Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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