So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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