Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Randomize
