Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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