And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
ok first of all what the fuck
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
