break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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