I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
she peed on how many people?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
