i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
