If that was your dad, he is hot
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
