Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I love you. Go after that dick
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
