I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
