im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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