i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Randomize
