i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
