the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
