3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
