you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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