the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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