I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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