i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
