The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
