wanna go halves on a baby?
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
