Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize
