Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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