I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
