even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
