Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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