i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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