My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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