my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
