I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Randomize
