I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
