rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
