i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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