My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
