need another drink. this is the easiest way
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
