Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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