I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
my poor anus
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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