You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
