to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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