I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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