I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
