First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
